Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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