sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
