Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
