sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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