she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
