A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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