i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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