How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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