hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
