About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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