And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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