She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
