I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
