just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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