im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
