I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She bit a glass in half.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize