My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
