Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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