So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
