My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
