.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
