I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
