Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
