thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
