I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
