You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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