make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
