It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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