I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize