aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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