so that wasnt chicken after all
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
