i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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