i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
