I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
