yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
