Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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