Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
