8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I party with great urgency now.
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