How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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