They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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