By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I checked into jail on foursquare
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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