If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
