break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
