I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
