I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
