i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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