i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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