That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
