if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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