I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
