Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
