we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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