Plan B is the new Plan A
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
