All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
