pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
