Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
