Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hippo gnu deer
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
