her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He is an equal opportunity slut.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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