He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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